Written by John Butler
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Topics: Death, Universe

Thursday, 12 January 2006

image for He-Man Kills Skeletor, Bush Applauds
He-Man and Skeletor, pictured moments before the evil skelton's savage death

After years of brutal, yet never fatal, combat, He-Man, Master of the Universe, has killed Skeletor, the self-proclaimed "Prince of Darkness" and He-Man's arch nemisis. He-Man claims the death was "accidental", and only attacked because Skeletor had "already kidnapped Teela and the stolen the precious Memory Stone".

Apparently He-Man, along with his feline accomplice, the so-called "Battle-cat", savaged the evil hooded skeleton after being shot at by a deadly magic staff. "We needed to do something - we couldn't just stand there and take that kind of punishment", he insists.

Eye-witnesses, however, claim they saw Battle-Cat carrying the boney remains of Skeletor's corpse hours after the death, celebrating and joking, "Hey guys, anyone fancy something a little different for dinner tonight at the palace? Might be a little evil tasting, heh heh."


"vow bloody revenge" on He-Man and everything else good in the universe".


The hirsute brute Beast Man, heir apparent to Skeletor's wicked throne, has said that he and his cronies including the fiendish Whiplash and Trap-jaw "vow bloody revenge" on He-Man and everything else good in the universe.

US President George W Bush said "He-Man has done the universe a great service. Evil dictators are bent on world domination. They're too hung up on stealing their "memory stones" and "magic emeralds" to realise what harm they are doing to innocent people. We will do everything we can to keep Beast Man in check".

Critics argue however that the US, who sold arms to Skeletor back in 1984, have had a hypocritical stance on their tolerance of despotic leaders like Skeletor and indeed Hordac, another of He-Man's foes.


"He Man will "take a well earned vacation to think things over."


Noam Chomsky, linguist and staunch critic of US foreign policy said, "America would befriend Satan if it were to suit their own ends. Ronald Reagan stood idly by empowering a man to enslave his people to fight against the great and good He-Man. Of course they have blood on their hands."

He-Man and his friends, who managed in the end to rescue Teela and reclaim the memory stone, say now they will all "take a well earned vacation to think things over regarding the future."

He-Man said regretfully, "We've fought for many years within a vicious, seemingly endless cycle of confict. Yet , with the exception of stupid faceless foot soldiers who don't have souls anyway, I've never stared face to face with death. It's tough ya know. Skeletor, although a bloody nuisance at times, was a living and breathing being. Sure I'll miss him, even without the violence and sorcery".

Orko, the irritating little wizard, then farted.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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