Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 24 February 2012

image for Heidi Montag Admits To Having A Big Time Erotic Crush On The Twilight Saga's Rob Pattinson
A photo of the amount of money that Montag spends per month on her plastic surgeries. (Photo by Charlie Sheen).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag and Joan Rivers seem to be competing with each other to see which one can get the most plastic surgeries done.

According to a recent article that appeared in the medical publication Say Ahh titled The Wonders and Whys of Plastic Surgery, Montag, with her 40 cosmetic surgeries, is a head of Joan "The Moan."

Montag, who has been dubbed the "Plastic Woman" by comedian Zydeco Dupree, was recently named one of The Top Five Sexiest Women in America by the readers of Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly.

Heidi told Sherwood Frisbee of SBIW that she was thrilled and honored to be on that list. She giggled and said that she was especially proud of the fact that she was ranked at number three in front of Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The top two names on the list were Megan Fox and Sofia Vergara.]

Montag was asked by Frisbee if she currently had a man in her life. She shook her head and replied that at the moment she did not.

She then coyly revealed that ever since last year, when she filmed the motion picture The Naked Cougar of Cucamonga with Rob Pattinson that she has had a big time, erotic crush on the Twilight Saga star.

Montag added that she has recently dated Charlie Sheen, Zac Efron, and Tim Ford, alias the Kinetic King, but was quick to express that no one makes her insides tingle more than Rob Pattinson.

She said that as far as she is concerned RPattz not only hung the moon, but Jupiter, the Milky Way, Uranus, and the Big Dipper as well.

FOOTNOTE: Heidi Montag asked that if Rob reads this article she would like for him to call her on her cell phone at [PHONE NUMBER DELETED BY EDITOR.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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