Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 14 October 2011

image for Kelly Osbourne Rekindles Her Nasty Feud With Christina Aguilera
Kelly says that Christina is going to have to cut back on her daily Big Mac intake. (Photo courtesy of David Crosby).

QUEENS, New York - Kelly Osbourne was in Queens visiting an old high school friend when she ran into Ashburn Wasabi a reporter for The Right Coast Illustrated Revue.

Wasabi was having dinner with his girlfriend at a local Shanghi Sue's Sushi Sandwich Shop. He asked Osbourne how things were going. Kelly replied that things were great and that she had just recently gotten another tattoo.

She was asked what the tattoo was and where on her body was it located. The daughter of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne blushed and said that she had gotten the letters J.R. tattooed on her bikini line.

Wasabi asked if the J.R. stood for Jared Padalecki?

"No." Replied Kelly.

"Johnny Rzeznik?"

"Nope."

Wasabi got a puzzled look on his face and asked, "Julia Robert?"

"Oh no. No way" Came the reply from Kelly.

She then told him that the initials J.R. stood for Joan Rivers who Kelly considers to be her idol, mentor, and second mother.

Wasabi asked about the fact that (Kelly) had rekindled her very nasty and bitter feud with Christina Aguilera.

Osbourne, who was wearing a pair of Daisy Duke shorts and a Texas Rangers halter top, replied that she had in fact started it back up by saying that if Christina Aguilera gains anymore weight she is going to be able to start wearing Kirstie Alley's old clothes.

Kelly added that Christina is just going to have to start saying no to those fourth and fifth daily Big Macs.

When Aguilera was told of Osbourne's remarks she replied that Kelly is still angry because of the fact that she had called her the Pillsbury Doughgirl, Poppin' Freshette.

Christina also said that Kelly loves to dish it out but that the little white pumpkin can't take it.

Kelly was especially pissed off when Aguilera referred to her on The View as Kelly "The Belly."

Osbourne told Wasabi that Christina is so dumb that she is the only person in America who has ever forgotten the words to "The Happy Birthday Song."

She quipped that ChrisAg has gained so much damn weight that her belly button walks into a room two seconds before she does.

SIDENOTE: Ashburn Wasabi and The Right Coast Illustrated Review will keep you posted on any further insults from either Kelly Osbourne or Christina Aguilera in the ongoing 'Christina Aguilera Vs. Kelly Osbourne Feud.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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