Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 13 October 2011

image for Taylor Swift Confesses That After Nine Months She Is Still Pining For Jake Gyllenhaal
A close up of Taylor Swift that was taken at a recent Pittsburgh Steelers football game.

MOBILE, Alabama - The Land of Cotton Convention Center was the scene of a record-breaking crowd as the young country crooner Taylor Swift belted out her many hit songs to a standing room only audience.

A spokesperson for Swift identified as Harry "Tractor" Rackbaker informed Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine's Buck Yazoo that the convention center holds 19,000 people but actually had 20,591 for the Swift performance.

Rackbaker said that he was asked for the total count by Mobile Fire Department Captain Beauregard "Fire Hose" Bitterfruit.

He informed the captain that he was not sure because the lap top computer that he was using to keep tabs of the audience members had gone on the blink. He mentioned that even after he had done a Ctrl-Alt-Delete he could still not get the lap top to work.

Mr. Rackbaker said that finally one of Taylor's back up singers, who is a computer whiz, was finally able to get the computer back working and that the audience total was 18,999 or one person below the accepted limit.

After the concert 21-year-old Taylor was asked by Buck Yazoo how things were going. She smiled and said that things were going great and that she was really raking in the money.

Yazoo detected a hint of sadness in the voice of the girl who was born in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania. He asked her if she by any chance still missed her former boyfriend Jake (Gyllenhaal).

Swift's eyes got all misty. She looked down at her $1,300 Annie Oakley designer cowgirl books and replied "Yep" (yes).

She informed Yazoo that it has been nine months since Gyllenhaal, 30, broke up with her because of her country accent. She confided to him that she still pines for him at least three or seven times a day and she proudly stated that with the help of a language-voice expert she has now completely gotten rid of her country accent.

Swift said that she is in the process of writing a song about him which she hopes will touch him enough to make him return to her side.

When asked if she could sing a little bit of it Taylor was only too glad to oblige.

She took her guitar and began to sing:

He hugged me in the barn and I yelled out with joy.
He took my hand and told me he was my cowboy.
He touched my soft skin as we played dilly dally
I sure saw stars when he kissed me in the valley.

Whoa is me.
Whoa is me.
It sure felt good when Jake touched me on my knee.

Yazoo applauded and he told Taylor not to worry because once Jake hears that lovely, touching song he will definitely call her up as soon as he can and want to get back together with her.

Taylor's eyes lit up and she hugged Mr. Yazoo. She gave him an autographed copy of her latest CD, plus four free tickets to her next concert, and she also wrote out a check for $85 as a token of her appreciation for him making her feel so much better.

In a related story. Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that Taylor Swift has turned down an offer from Hank Williams Jr., to record a duet on a brand new song he just wrote called "Are You Ready For Some Butt Kickin'"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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