Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

image for The Fan Who Threw The Hot Dog At Tiger Woods Has Been Charged With Assault With A 'Relished Weenie'
The seventh hole green where the tossed hot dog landed.

SAN MARTIN, California - The directors of The Frys.com Open Golf Tournament have expressed regret at the recent hot dog tossing incident which was directed at Tiger Woods.

A spokesperson for the golf tournament Hoyt "Vermouth" Vermeisterson stated that the seventh hole hot dog throwing incident has been thoroughly investigated and his organization promises that the same type of fast-food flinging will never again occur at the exquisite golf course.

The tournament director of security Danny "The Taser" Diggywiggy informed the news media that the perp (the hot dog tosser) was immediately apprehended and is sitting in a jail cell.

According to Buck Yazoo with Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine, the "Hot Dogger" has been tentatively identified as Sebastian Leon Corkweiser, III, 31, of Pacific Palisades, California where he is employed in a Velcro factory as a Velcro tester.

The San Martin Police Department investigated the flying food incident and after speaking to an eye witness identified as Joey "Golf Balls" LaCavaletti, who happens to be Tiger Woods caddie, they were able to make the arrest.

They stated that Corkweiser has been charged with one count of assault with a relished weenie, which in California is punishable by imprisonment for a period of at least nine months along with a hefty fine of $45,800.

The police did add that they're just glad that the hot dog did not have any chili on it as that would have certainly made one heck of a messy situation and could have covered up evidence vital to the police investigation.

The SMPD stated that DNA taken from the mustard that was found on the hot dog did in fact match the mustard stains that were found in the boxer shorts of Mr. Corkweiser, (the weenie thrower).

Meanwhile The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle is reporting that Mr. Corkweiser is now saying that a big gust of wind simply blew the hot dog out of his hands and that it just happened to land 20 yards away where Tiger Woods was standing.

In a related story. 4C is also noting that Joey LaCavaletti is so traumatized by the incident that every time he hears the words hot dog, weenie, Kobe Bryant, mustard, or relish he becomes extremely nervous and has to make a bee line for the nearest bathroom. He reportedly has hired the legal services of the Avocado Heights law firm of Gorgonzola, Gomez, & Granolawitz and plans to sue the makers of the hot dog for $1.6 million.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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