Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Money, Star Wars

Wednesday, 11 January 2006

image for George Lucas: 'Episode Zero, let's ROLL with it!'
"UP the heck I GIVE. What more ask YOU??!"

Star Wars fans are ecstatic after the announcement that George Lucas, apparently bored with nothing to do but count money is now hard at work filming Star Wars Episode Zero, Return of Jar Jar Binks". Lucas spoke with reporters during filming outside Tunisia ..

"Sure Binks will never probably become a leading man, what with the preying mantis crab-like eyes and the rather rancid smell of aged turnip broth about him but Binks will grow on you in this one, I guarantee it. Binks IS the reason I ever even created the legend of Star Wars. Not Anakin Skywalker."

http://www.top-secret_hacked_****.com yesterday leaked portions of portions of a segment of the movie's stolen script dialog ..

STORM TROOPERS -> Excuse me sir. We're a bit hungry. Could you tell us where we might find an open ..

BINKS -> "UP the heck I GIVE. What more ask YOU??!"

Lucas quickly explained after the leak,

"Sure Binks is a lowdown dirty sniveling cowardly Naboo-ian slime worm but still .. a SLIME worm you will come to .. tolerate, love even" adding,

"I'm not just doing this movie because my castle payments are overdue or they're about to repo one of my yachts. I'm doing it for the sheer LOVE of Star Wars!"

"Did you reporters get that or should I say it again? I think I might have garbled the word 'love' on that take."

Film critics who've never even SEEN most "pending" movie yet alone RATE them say that Episode Zero does have potential. Sean Willis of E.T. Tonight said,

"ZERO traces the life of Jar Jar Binks back from the time he was a sniveling little whatever the heck he is until the time that he finally grows up and becomes Queen Amidala's (Natalie Portman's) personal flunky. I give it 1 thumb up not yet having seen it, what with production still underway and all."

George Lucas, having promised to never ever as long as he lives so help him GOD ever make another Star Wars sequel in his life told reporters,

"It's not because of the Yacht payments I swear. Trust me, Jar Jar will win your movie-going money-paying hearts, right Jar Jar?

BINKS -> "UP the heck I GIVE. What more ask YOU??!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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