Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 10 October 2011

image for Kate Gosselin Furious As She Sees A Text Message From Boyfriend Steven Tyler To Kat Von D
A hat that Steven Tyler was given by comedian Steve Martin. (Photo by Kate Gosselin).

CALABASAS, California - Kate Gosselin and Steven Tyler visited the town of Calabasas where back in 1805, the explorers Lewis and Clark reportedly spent an entire evening gang whooping-it-up with their Shoshoni Indian guide Sacajawea of the American dollar fame.

Tyler and Gosselin visited The Shoshoni Squaw Sacajawea Commemorative Memorial Museum. One of the historical relics housed at the museum is the petite loincloth that the Indian squaw wore throughout the entire expedition, which amazingly enough only has one small hole and two barely noticeable stains believed to be woodchuck blood.

Another artifact is an Indian file that "Sakky," as Meriwether Lewis and William Clark affectionately referred to her but never in front of strangers, used to trim her toe nails which reportedly for some unknown reason grew faster than any other Indian squaw in recorded history.

Noted Native-American historical author Valentino "The Pencil" Pickfitz, who wrote the definitive book on Sacajawea titled You Say Shoshone, I Say Shoshoni stated in chapter nine that the belief that the Indian maiden was a bona fide rain dancer and could actually make it rain is without foundation.

Pickfitz however, noted that there is documented evidence that "Sakky" did make it drizzle a little bit, but only on three different occasions; once in Casper, Wyoming and twice in Pocatello, Idaho.

A fellow museum goer identified as Barney Bruce Lambrusco, 78, from Lick Skillet, Ohio pointed out that he had been casually watching the celebrity couple ever since they first entered the museum.

He later revealed to Missy Wonderbox of Hollywood Innuendo that as Kate Gosselin and Steven Tyler were touring the museum Kate noticed that Steven was busy texting something while holding his hand over the cell phone screen in an effort to keep whatever was on the screen from being seen by Kate.

Gosselin, who has eight children, managed to catch a glimpse of the message and was shocked to see that Tyler was texting the ex-future wife of Jesse James, Kat Von D.

Kate immediately asked him why in the world he was texting a multi-tattooed woman who in her opinion belonged in a carnival side show. Tyler turned the tables around and told Kate that she had no business peeking at his personal text message.

At that point Gosselin told him that she was through looking at all of this ancient Indian stuff and that she would be waiting in the Rolls Royce.

She stormed out of the museum nearly knocking over a $29,000 plaster of Paris statue of Meriwether Lewis petting a beaver.

Other Books On Native-American Subjects By Valentino Pickfitz

  • Just Sitting Around The Campfire And Shooting The Bull With Chief Sitting Bull
  • The All-Time Favorite Buffalo Recipes of Chief Geronimo Including His Award-Winning Beaver Ovary Dipped Bison Fajitas
  • Why It Was That When Indian War Parties Attacked Wagon Trains It Was Always Done In A Clockwise Circle (With 43 Illustrations)
  • Dispelling The Myths, Innuendos, and Rumors About Indian Givers, The Cleveland Indians, and Comanche Condoms
  • The Truth Behind The Age Old Teepee Versus Wigwam Controversy

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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