Written by Lyndon
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Saturday, 8 October 2011

image for The Simpsons and other reality characters hold out, settle for compromise
If "The Simpsons" were to be cancelled, many would be forced to stare at a blank screen

SPRINGFIELD--Twentieth Century Fox Television and the Simpson family and a few other key figures finally settled a salary dispute that had threatened to end the longest-running reality TV show, The Simpsons, after 23 seasons.

Led by father Homer, Simpsons' cast members had refused a pay cut that would've seen their yearly salary drop from $8 million to about half that number for 22 weeks of work.

Essentially, family members have agreed to a per-episode decrease from $440,000 to $310,000. The Simpson family had also argued for a tiny share of the billions of dollars in profits which the show earns through marketing and syndication, but to no avail.

There are, however, losers in the deal. First, there's Maggie, the baby who never grows up. Fox has refused to compensate Maggie since Season 1 of the show because "she knows nothing and does nothing. She makes no conscious effort to contribute positively to the show."

Other members of the cast forced to forego compensation include Krusty the Clown (too damn scary), Chief Wiggum (conflict of interest), and Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (questions surrounding his residence visa).

Moe Szyslak and Principal Skinner, both of whom are represented by aggressive sports agent, Scott Boras, were able to reach agreements that would pay each between $180,000 and $200,000 per episode.

Ned Flanders will most likely come to regret his decision to represent himself in negotiations as he comes away from the table with a measly $75,000 per episode.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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