Written by Big Stu
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Wednesday, 5 October 2011

image for Did two computer nerds invent Britney Spears in a science experiment?
Paris Hilton, the model the friends claim was bought from them by the Hilton hotel chain for a marketing exercise

Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, LeAnn Rimes and many other leading pop artists are all the creation of two computer support technicians from Pittsburg, it was claimed today.

In an exclusive interview in Melody Maker, Dwayne Poindexter and Dwight P. Lanscomb, say they have been denied royalties for hundreds of artists works after inventing the stars one night using a home computer linked to a plastic moulding machine and a voice sampler.

"We were just a couple of randy college drop-outs." Dwight says. "One night we decided to make our ultimate fantasy babe on Dwayne's computer. So we started scanning some photos from a Ten Years of Baywatch magazine, those babes were hot, and we hooked up a plastic moulding machine.

"The first babe we made was going to be a big movie actress called Sienna but that one kept, like, breaking down all the time? So then like we decided, hey, why not do something less complicated than acting, why not do music videos? You don't need to do anything complicated, just stand there.

"So like we got hold of this voice sampler? And a drum machine? And then we were all like, whoa! We could make our model act out any fantasy we wanted and it all looked real, it was seriously hot. We would be like major league, dude."

The friends claim their original casts were then bought by record companies who have producing different named clones of their original "Britney" model ever since.

"Now they've started making bunches of them and calling them Pussycat Dolls or Girls Aloud or some sh*t like that? We were all like "No way! That's our babe programme, dude, and they're just ripping it off to make a bunch of sleazy music videos. That was what we wanted to do with it."

Record company bosses have denied the claims, insisting that all of their artists are unique and individual and, apart from the sound, appearance and mannerisms, bear no similarity to one another at all.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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