Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 5 October 2011

image for The Biggest Shocker In The 13th Season History of Dancing With The Stars - Kristen Cavallari Is Eliminated!
Kristen Cavallari shown wearing a pair of red string bikinis which she will put on eBay to raise money to pay off a loan.

HOLLYWOOD - The mere fact that the beautifully sexy and talented dancer Kristen Cavallari was even in the bottom three was shocking enough for the Dancing With The Stars judges as well as the audience members.

But when host Tom Bergeron named Kristen Cavallari as the DWTS celebrity that would be going home on week three a loud round of boos and hisses rang out throughout the entire dance studio that registered 1.3 on the Richter Scale.

Bruno Tonioli, aka "The Gaytalian" whispered to Len Goodman that Kristen is extremely talented and tremendously sensuous. He even went as far as to say that if he was 25 years younger he would become ungay and make a play for the gorgeously stunning actress who appeared on the television series The Hills.

Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman said that not only was Miss Cavallari a very good dancer she also has a pair of the cutest looking ankles that he has ever seen. Bruno agreed and Carrie Ann Inaba said that she had to make it unanimous.

Inaba added that if she looked as physically attractive as Kristen that she would be out with a different guy every night of the week.

Tonioli smiled and quipped that if he looked half as sexually provocative as Kristen that he would also be out with a different guy every night of the week.

After the show Kristen was asked by Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight if she felt that the fact that her ex-fiancé who had dumped her and who was present in the audience may have had something to do with her being eliminated in the jinx sense.

Cavallari, the ex-fiancée of Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, smiled politely and said that a part of her wants to believe that but she felt that the real reason she was eliminated was because her fans are males between the ages of 16 and 36, and everyone knows that those guys do not vote when it comes to reality dance shows.

De Gallo asked her how she felt knowing that contestants like Nancy Grace, Carson Kressley, and Chaz Bono who really have no actual rhythm at all are still in the competition whereas she, who showed that she had the potential to actually make it all the way into the finals was eliminated.

Kristen shrugged her shoulders and said that it just goes to show you how powerful a voting block the Tea Bag Party is since they are supporting Nancy.

She noted that she had no idea that the gay and lesbian community is such a powerful entity as they have managed to keep Carson Kressley and Chaz Bono from being eliminated.

De Gallo asked Cavallari what her plans are now that she is no longer on Dancing With The Stars.

The beautiful starlet's brown eyes lit up and she replied that she plans to talk to her good friend Nina Dobrev about getting a guest starring role on The Vampire Diaries.

SIDENOTE: Kristen told de Gallo that she is planning on placing the three pairs of dance shoes which she wore on the show on eBay so that hopefully she can raise enough money to pay off a charm school loan she took out in 2009.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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