Written by Bert Onassis
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Thursday, 29 September 2011

image for David "I swum the Thames" Walliams is Critical
David Walliams, earlier today

David "I swum the Thames" Walliams has been reported as suffering from distemper caught from the Thames during his recent "middle eastern charity" swim.

Claims that he rescued a dog by trying to blow it up like an inflatable rubber ring cannot be denied (or confirmed) witnesses denied, but rumours that the air valve tasted a bit salty may be true.

No celebrities would comment because they don't like him, but Bruce Fivesythe did a little dance with Lionel Blair. Kenny Lynch is broke. And Jimmy Tarbuck, Billy Connelly and Michael Parkinson were too.

Max Clifford would comment, but then he would, wouldn't he.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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