Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 29 September 2011

image for Demi Moore To Appear On 'Two and A Half Men' As Ashton Kutcher's Mom
A clay figure which Charlie Sheen made of himself and sold on eBay for $37.

HOLLYWOOD - Tinsel Town is the land where anything can happen and everything usually does.

I mean who in the civilized world would ever have even remotely imagined that an actor (i.e. Charlie Sheen) would quit a super cush job on Two and A Half Men that was paying him $1.8 million per week just to basically act as himself?

And who would have imagined that a woman who would rather dress up in camouflage hunting clothes including a camouflage jock strap and who loves to ambush moose from state-owned helicopters would actually even be thinking about running for president?

But this is America, land of the free and home of he brave, and the place where an NFL team (the Dallas Cowboys) can win a game 18-16 against the Washington Redskins without even scoring a single touchdown?

But as Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors pointed out, Charlie Sheen AKA "The Space Cadet" has since showed his old boss Chucky "Mr. Bagels" Lorre that he is having the last ha-ha (laugh).

"Showless" Sheen just settled with the group that did not let him return to his show for the lotteryesque figure of $25 million.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Dems and GOPers, $25 mil. Goodness! $25 million will certainly buy lots and lots of beer, Scotch, top shelf call girls, pizzas, wine, Hostess Twinkies, tequila, and a few Lamborghini's.

Vermicelli recently spoke with Chuck Lorre and asked him how things were going with Sheen's replacement Ashton Kutcher. Lorre's eyes lit up as he said that Ashton is fantastic. He noted that Kutcher agreed to take a pay cut from $1.8 million to $800,000 per episode.

He went on to say that with Ashton the production company's weekly alcohol allowance has gone down from $3,000 to $75.

Lorre was asked if he has any special plans coming up for the show. He said that he has increased Berta the maid's role and that she will now actually be a live-in maid.

He said that Conchata Ferrell is thrilled beyond belief because she said that she really needs the money. Lorre said that he is planning on introducing a boyfriend for Berta.

His first choice was Arnold Schwarzenegger but he turned it down due to the fact that he is still dealing with the real life trauma of his mattress frolocking with his ex-maid Mildred Baena.

Lorre said that his second choice was Gary "The Space Alien" Busey. Lorre divulged that he called him up and told him to show up at Malibu Beach for shooting but Busey somehow got turned around and ended up down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

Busey said he realized something was wrong when he woke up on a plaza bench from a nap and saw a man wearing a sombrero, a serape, and huaraches asking him if he wanted to marry his seester.

Lorre says that Kutcher did approach him about getting his wife Demi Moore a part in the show. They first thought about her being his girlfriend but they both realized that she was much too old to play his girlfriend. They then figured that she could be Jake's physical ed teacher but that didn't fly.

Lorre and Ashton finally decided that Demi, who is 16 years older than her husband Ashton, will play his character Walden Schmidt's mother, Esmeralda Schmidt. Demi reportedly was really not to happy about it but agreed since she needs the money.

In other news. Sarah Palin has apologized to Sean Hannity due to nine-year-old Piper Palin telling Mr. Hannity that he looks like a big old fat friggin Fred Flinstone.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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