Written by Big Stu
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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

image for Pro-Celebrity Duelling on the way for Saturday nights
Bill Bailey gets ready for his appearance on the new look Strictly.

The Saturday night ratings war between ITV and the BBC took a new and unprecedented turn yesterday.

Due to start in late October, TV's new flagship series, Pro-Celebrity Duelling with Ant and Dec, will see celebrities take part in live duels to the death on Hampstead Heath.

In the first series, Kerry Katona will face Nicola Scherzinger in a pistol duel, then Tony Blackburn will cross swords with Uri Gellar using rapiers. Commentary for these duels will be provided by golf legend Peter Alliss.

In a counter move, the BBC have announced that Songs of Praise will now feature full-contact chariot races and Strictly Come Dancing will be including gladiatorial team combat.

These moves are expected to prove highly popular with viewers and also benefit the corporations by significantly reducing weekly fee payments.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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