The Sun has reported today that one of its undercover reporters, posing as an employee of Spud-u-Like, has spoken with Cheryl Cole about her alleged relationship with the Yeti. She is reported to have told the freelance reporter that Mr Yeti, 46, currently missing, was "hoong like a National winner, mon" and that he could "goo at it like a Duracell bonny on speed."
The exact meaning of these terms has yet to be made clear, with some critics asking how it was even possible for the reporter to have understood a drunken Geordie 'toothasaur' in a nightclub at three o'clock in the morning. They also allege that Ms Cole would not resort to gross acts of depravity in order to remain in the public eye, claims that many of her friends have been quick to deny.
These new allegations have also raised questioned about the whereabouts of Mr Yeti, with some evidence suggesting that he has been signed on with either the World Wrestling Federation, or with legendary boxing promoter Don King who is planning an exhibition match against Liza Minelli at New York's famous Madison Square Gardens.