Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

image for Dancing With The Stars Sends George Clooney's Ex-Girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis Back To Italy
Elisabetta Canalis says that she is looking forward to returning to Italy to see her relatives.

HOLLYWOOD - Elisabetta Canalis danced her cute little Italian butt off but she just did not receive enough votes to keep her from being eliminated on Dancing With The Stars.

Her partner Val Chmerkovskiy (Maksim's brother) taught her well but it seemed that Elisabetta's heart was just not in it.

Her fellow countryman Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli told her to hold her chin and tata's up and to be proud of the fact that she at least managed to beat Metta World Peace, the Los Angeles Laker formerly known as Ron Artest.

Canalis rolled her eyes and replied, "Oh thanks Bruno. I feel real good now. I guess I'll just go out and drown my sadness in an order of Fettuccine Alfredo, Sicilian Scampi, and Linguine Alla Marinara."

Elisabetta confided to Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis that even though she wanted to dance well she had a hard time concentrating due to the fact that she is still heartbroken over having been dumped by her boyfriend of two years George Clooney.

Canalis was asked if the fact that she wanted to have children and Clooney did not was really the reason why he had ended their relationship.

She shook her hair and accidentally hit Val in the face with her hair barrette. He yelled at her and she got all teary-eyed. She said that she is sick and tired of being yelled at by men and declared that she is going to resort to kneeing them in the groin region like her cousin Costanza Canalis does.

Elisabetta confessed to Miss Dakota that she had never revealed the reason why Jorge, as she called George dumped her. She looked down at the floor and replied that it was because of her tattoos.

She said that Clooney is an old-fashioned guy and he wanted for her to go in and have all her tattoos removed.

When she basically told him to go and do an unnatural thing to himself she said he exploded and angrily told her to give him back all the jewelry he had bought her, including her dresses, shorts, bathing suits, and underwear.

She said that he did tell her that she could keep her galoshes.

Hacienda Dakota stated that it looks like Elisabetta Canalis will return to her home country Italy where she has been offered a part in a soap opera titled, As The Pizza Turns.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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