Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 27 September 2011

image for Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars Tells His Partner Ricki Lake That She Ain't No Kirstie Alley
Ricki Lake's cat which she named Kirstie Alley after her long time idol. (Photo courtesy of Jerry Springer).

VENICE BEACH - Derek Hough one of the stars of Dancing With The Stars was sitting at The Enchanted Enchilada Restaurant having breakfast when he was asked about his dance partner former talk show host Ricki Lake.

Hough put down his guacamole-laded chip as he told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle that he thinks that Lake is coming along fine even though she has already stepped on him a total of 17 times during their rehearsals.

Derek remarked that he was thrilled that for their last dance performance they had gotten a score of 23 points out of a possible 30 to land them in first place.

The blond dancer known as "The Dancing Dude" said that he is having quite a hard time trying to convince Ricki to forget about the fact that she is overweight. He said that at times she says that the reason she misses a step is due to the fact that the fat cells keep getting in the way.

Derek tells her that he once had a student, Agatha "Eggplant" Pingpucker, who weighed 414 pounds and during a special competitive performance he was able to lift her, twirl her, and even toss her up in the air and catch her.

He laughed and said that yes, it was on the second bounce, but he did catch her nonetheless, proudly pointing out that Agatha's bruises all completely went away within two weeks.

Hough told Miss Swizzle that his biggest goal is to get Ricki to stop talking about her idol Kirstie Alley all of the time. He says that Lake will say things like Kirstie said this, or Kirstie did that, or that Kirstie baked this, or Kirstie ate that, or Kirstie ate this.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kirstie Alley has actually lost 100 pounds since appearing on Dancing With The Stars and she is now having guys call her up and asking her out on dates without her having to promise to pay for everything.]

Derek said that he has made some progress as he has gotten Ricki to agree that from now on every time she mentions Kirstie's name he will make her stick out her tongue and then he'll hit it with a number 2 lead pencil.

Hough said that it may sound kinda harsh but that it worked for his ex-girlfriend Cheryl Cole who was constantly mentioning her ex-husband soccer star Ashley Cole.

Derek Hough is 26. Ricki Lake is 43. And Mick Jagger is 68.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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