Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Music, Ireland, Rihanna, Pop, bread

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

image for Rihanna Told To Get Baps Out Of Wheat Field
Baps just out of shot.

It was a real case of 'Gerram Orf Moi Land' today when singing sensation Rihanna was unceremoniously evicted from a wheat field in Ireland, simply for getting her baps out.

The American singer of such great hits as Umberella, and other stuff she did, was recording footage for her new video when she got decidedly steamy.

Whipping off her top she revealed a nice pair of rounded whole wheat baps, stuffed full of succulent fillings.

Local farmer Olderman Gooch, owner of the field, immediately waded in and instructed the whole crew to take their lunch somewhere else.

He told us "I was bloody livid, so I was. Hav' dey never heard o' cross-contamination? Fancy bringing some fresh baps in to me wheat field! I harvest a very delicate strain, I don't want dis young upstart droppin' crumbs all over d'place, an' ruinin' me farm assured status!"

Upon his instruction, the film crew packed up immediately and Rihanna personally apologised for her actions.

Mr Gooch continued "She said t'me she was sorry fer not tinking about de full implications of her bap related actions, so you gotta respect dat really, t'be sure. I'd never even heard o' her before today, but people tell me she's quite good. I'll hav' t'take dare word fer dat, but I know 'er table manners are not up t'much!"

"Noice tit's dough!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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