Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 27 September 2011

image for Charlie Sheen Can Now Actually Call Himself A "Winner" As He Is Awarded A $25 Million Settlement
Part of the $25 million settlement that Charlie Sheen will be receiving. (Photo courtesy of Rick Chorizo).

SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen is all smiles after agreeing to an out-of-court settlement of $25 million with the group that fired him from the hit sit-com Two and A Half Men.

Sheen told Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo that he can now officially refer to himself as a "Winner."

San Guacamole asked him how he planned on celebrating his fantastic settlement. He grinned raised his eyebrows a few times and replied that he would celebrate by going out and buying the most expensive call girl that money can buy.

"Really Charlie?" A puzzled San Guacamole asked.

"JK* Fajita baby, JK." Sheen quipped as he took a sip from his can of Diet Dr. Pepper.

He was asked what he thought about his old show and how he felt that his replacement, Ashton Kutcher AKA Demi Moore's boy toy husband was doing.

Carlos Estevez (his real name) grinned and said that he really and truly feels that the shows creator, producer, and head writer Chucky "Mr. Bagels" Lorre may have just gone and stepped smack dab in a big old pile of Aberdeen Angus cowsh*t.

San Guacamole giggled and asked him if the Angus part was a jab at the shows 17-year-old actor who played his nephew Jake, Angus T. Jones.

Sheen smiled and said that it was not even though he heard where the little sh*t had said that his character would not be missing his uncle Charlie one effen bit.

Charlie did say that he thinks that having Charlie Harper's maid, Berta who is played by Conchata Ferrell move in as a live-in maid is a positive thing since it will give her much more lines and she is one big mama who is not afraid to tell anyone how the cow ate the cabbage as they say in East Texas.

Sheen did wonder why Lorre feels that he has to show a totally naked Ashton Kutcher's character Walden Schmidt in a scene hugging Jon Cryer's character Alan while standing in the living room and then have Alan's ex-wife Judith, his son Jake, and Charlie's ex-stalker Rose walk in on them.

Then in another scene on the Malibu Beach house deck Alan wakes up on a lounge chair with his head on Walden's chest with Berta in the next lounge chair grinning from ear-to-ear and saying that they will not believe the YouTube type video she has of the two cozy cuties.

And in yet a third seen Charlie giggles and wonders what in the world is the purpose of showing Walden and Alan playing a game of leap frog totally naked starting in the kitchen, going into the living room, up the stairs, and then back down the stairs.

Charlie wonders if Lorre is perhaps simply trying to attract the nudist audience as well as the gay audience, the beach going audience, and the Republican audience since Walden is a self-made billionaire.

* Just Kidding.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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