Written by Big Stu
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Sunday, 25 September 2011

Television presenter Richard Hammond is set to become the first man to set foot on Mars in an ambition project unveiled today.

Hammond, presenter of BBC's Top Gear, Total Wipeout, Hamster on Food, Hamster on Toast and Hamster On The Job, will be fitted with solid fuel boosters, an inertial guidance computer, a cushion and some nice celery for the four year journey to the red planet,a trip that will see him reach speeds of up to 23,000 mph.

At a press conference this morning, a spokesperson for the European Space Agency said: "We are delighted that Mr Hammond will become our new Mars Exploration craft as it saves us a considerable amount of time and resources building one. And let's face it, Mars is probably the only thing that Richard Hammond hasn't yet been on."

The plan came about after last year's attempt to send Davina McCall into orbit around Jupiter which ended in disaster when someone sent her back.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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