Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 23 September 2011

image for Simon Cowell's New Show "X-Factor" Gets Beaten In The Ratings By The #1 Sit-Com "Modern Family"
The official X-Factor band Bosco Roscoe & The Harlem Hip Hop Rappin' Rapperz Band.

LOS ANGELES - The overnight ratings came in and Simon Cowell's much anticipated new singing reality show X-Factor got beaten by the top situation comedy in the country, Modern Family.

A total of 14.3 million viewers watched the season's premier episode of Modern Family compared to 12.6 million viewers who watched the premier of X-Factor.

The Modern Family premier showed the three inner families flying to Jackson Hole, Wyoming where they spent their vacation at an unsanctioned dude ranch.

During the course of the show the characters were involved in a cattle stampede, a wild horse stampede, and Mitchell (one of the shows two sissy city slicker characters) got attacked by a rooster after the rooster saw him petting one of the chickens.

The dude ranch foreman Houston "Cowpoke" Whistlewood told Mitchell that roosters are notorious for being jealous bastards and they do not like anyone messing with their chicks (no pun intended - well actually yes it was intended).

In another scene "Tenderfoot" Phil Dunphy, who has never ever really stepped on dirt, is shown trying to put a saddle on a milk cow. His wife Claire "The Bronco Balls Buster" tells him that its a friggin milk cow and you don't put saddles on milk cows because it pisses them off and they'll end up giving sour milk.

She explained it to him by saying that it would be like him putting on a skindiving wet suit and then jumping into bed with her to do a little bit of groin grinding.

And Gloria, the extremely sensuously sexy Colombian trophy wife of the old fogey Jay put on a pair of cowgirl jeans that looked like they had been painted on.

The dude ranch foreman and three of the cowhands immediately voted her "The Gal We'd Most Like To Be Locked Up In The Cold Bunkhouse With For Two or Three Days at The Very Least."

Meanwhile, over in Music Land, Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell's X-Factor sure did look, sound, and even smell a heck of a whole lot like his original singing competition show American Idol.

In fact two-thirds of the original AI judges are now X-Factor judges, Simon and Paula Abdul who gets to sit next to Simon and touches him for no valid reason every chance she gets.

The other two judges are the good looking, long-legged Nicole Scherzinger who replaced Cheryl Cole who reportedly had to return to England to get some dental work done and L.A. Reid, who is a record executive, record producer, songwriter, and cowbell player.

The shows auditions have pretty much the same amount of horrendously horrible wannabe singers who all think that they are going to be the next Beyonce or Michael Buble.

There was however, one female singer who is the early on favorite to win the whole enchilada as they say in East L.A.

And that girl is 18-year-old Florida native Melanie Amaro who blew the audience and the judges away and who received standing ovations from all four judges along with $35 in tips.

The host of X-Factor is the unknown and very forgettable Steve Jones, who was also hired to drive one of the shows 18-wheeler trucks that hauls around the shows audition equipment.

SIDENOTE: One very positive note that needs to be brought out is the fact not once during the first two shows of X-Factor have any of the four judges even once made the remark that one of the performers was pitchy like American Idol Judge Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson does about 4.5 times per show...and that is literally music to ones ears. (No pun intended, well...you know.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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