Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 22 September 2011

image for Oprah Winfrey's Friends Are Concerned As The Former Talk Show Queen Is Packing On The Pounds!
A photo of a desk in Oprah's office located in her Chicago mansion. (Photo taken by Sasha Obama).

CHICAGO - The Right Coast Illustrated Revue is reporting that several of Oprah Winfrey's friends are expressing some concern about the woman they call Miss Oprah.

One friend who has known Winfrey for over 20 years is Valdosta Mae "Vittles" LaBradoodle and she told Tilapia Frisbee of RCIR that she has never seen "Opie" as she calls her gain so much frickin weight in such a freakin short amount of time.

"Vittles" said that she herself is not exactly no LeAnn Rimes, but then again, there are anorexic individuals who do not look as skinny as Rimes does.

LaBradoodle, who admitted to tipping the scales at Kirstie Alley's old weight of 409, like the Chevrolet Impala SS 409 car and the Formula 409 All-Purpose Cleaner said that she is afraid that "Opie" may end up starting to wear her hand-me-downs.

Another long time friend of Winfrey's is TiRhonda "Cupcakes" Hollyoaks who looks a lot like Beyonce except only not as pretty, as well-endowed, as sexy, or as rich.

Hollyoaks actually has a tattoo on a very intimate place on her body with the initials O.W. When Frisbee asked her where exactly the O.W. was located Hollyoaks at first did not want to say but after Frisbee offered her $25 cash she told her that the O.W. was on her labia majora.

Frisbee shook her head and asked why she would get Oprah Winfrey's initials tattooed on such an intimate part of her body. "Cupcakes" giggled and said that the initials did not stand for Oprah Winfrey.

A puzzled Frisbee asked what they stood for. And "Cupcakes" confessed that they actually stood for Owen Wilson whom she has been infatuated with since she first saw him in the 2004 movie Meet The Fockers.

Frisbee tried to contact Winfrey's BFF and rumored belly bumper Gayle King, but word is that Gayle was down in St. Barts in the West Indies, taking in the sun and allegedly putting away the Huckleberry Margaritas.

When Frisbee managed to get a hold of Winfrey's long time live-in partner Stedman Graham she asked him if he was at all concerned about Oprah's sudden weight gain.

Stedman rolled his eyes and replied that ever since he has known Oprah she has always been on a 'yo-yo roller coaster diet' where she loses a lot of weight and then gains it all back.

He went on to say that he has learned to just keep his mouth shut because he may be a lot of things but he definitely is not stupid and he knows that Oprah may not be worth as much as all the gold in Fort Knox, but the broad ain't lagging too far behind.

HOLIDAY TIDBIT: September 25 is National One Hit Wonder Day, or as Carl Douglas whose one hit song was 1974s "Kung Fu Fighting" calls it Oh How I Wish I Hadn't Quit My Day Job Day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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