Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 21 September 2011

image for Susan Boyle to star in 'Pies Like Us' remake
Boyle will play Anna Chapman 'twenty years and several dress sizes on'

London - Details are still a bit sketchy this morning following an announcement about the chubby warbler's film debut in a new take on the 1985 Chevy Chase box office hit.

The updated comedy about an espionage ring headquartered at London's oldest pie and eel shop will see Boyle will play flame haired KGB temptress Anna 'Anya Kushchenko' Chapman - twenty years and several dress sizes down the line from being outed as Vladimir Putin's number one ho.

Written, produced and redacted - er...directed! - by Downton Abbey plagiarist Julian Fellowes the movie charts a cold war double agent's infiltration and eventual seduction of London oligarchs.

A sub-plot about 'terrists' use of semtex boob implants, exploding buttocks and a nuclear device inside the International Space Station may see the Jedward Twins cast as the pie shop's owners, forever battering Icelandic cod fillets in their signature dynamite dish.

At auditions today studio bosses admitted reinforced concrete stages will be mandatory in all the movie's complex studio shoots.

And the identity of the lead male to play opposite Boyle?

"Just waiting to hear from Bruce Forsyth!" a studio PR admitted today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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