HOLLYWOOD - Charlie Sheen proved to himself and to everyone else that he still knows how to wear a suit and tie. He actually asked to be a presenter at The 63rd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards Show which was held at The Nokia Theater.
He said that he was extremely surprised when he was told that someone had said okay to his making an appearance.
As Charlie was introduced you could hear a combined chorus of cheering with some scattered booing, the booing was coming from Two and A Half Men co-stars Conchata Ferrell who was sitting next to Jon Stewart and 17-year-old Angus T. Jones, the lucky little son-of-a-gun who was sitting next to the ever-so-sexy Sofia Vergara of Modern Family.
Right away Charlie introduced himself by saying that he was not "Tiger Blood Boy," "The Space Alien," and certainly not a "Winner."
The crowd cheered except for Ferrell who hollered out "Bite my belly button flab you goddess-less loser!"
Stewart turned and gave her a high five, Paula Abdul gave her a fist bump, and Lindsay Lohan gave her a kiss on the mouth which Ferrell quickly wiped off with the sleeve of her pink striped dress which had been given to her by Kirstie Alley since it is now way to big, Alley having lost 100 pounds and all.
Sheen say that he wanted to get something off his chest, his mind, and his ego and he told the crowd that he wanted to wish the cast of Two and A Half Men, but not the shows creator, producer, and head writer Chuck Lorre, nothing but the best for the upcoming season.
Charlie, with tongue-in-cheek then added that he knows that they'll get plenty of laughs because Chucky boy controls the "Laugh Track Machine" and he could even make England's stoic Queen Elizabeth seem like she is the funniest woman since Roseanne Barr.
Sheen then turned and walked off the stage forgetting to present The Outstanding Lead Actor In a Comedy Series Emmy Award to Jim Parsons, star of The Big Bang Theory, which ironically is produced by Sheen's old boss Chuck Lorre.
Parson was able to pick up his Emmy after the show ended.
Backstage the shows host, the six-foot-six-inch tall Jane Lynch asked Charlie why he had suddenly decided to apologize after months and months of his incessant, incoherent, ranting and raving.
Charlie smiled and said that he had just gotten tired of being unemployed and having to drive seven miles each month to pick up food stamps.
He then grinned and stated that his lawyer, publicist, manager, and even his hair stylist, FuFi Fondue, had all told him that if he ever wanted to work in Hollywood again he had better play the old-fashioned ass-kissing game or else start applying at some of the local fast-food restaurants in L.A.
Backstage Emmy Award Show Gossip. Jimmy Kimmel denied that he was caught trying to steal Jon Stewart's Emmy Award for Outstanding Music, Comedy, or Variety Series. Kimmel said that it was actually Jimmy Fallon who had taken the Emmy from Stewart while Jon was in the men's restroom and Fallon tried to hide it in his boxer shorts.