Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 17 September 2011

image for Marilyn Manson - Quite A Talented Artist Actually, A Bit Like A Homicidal Salvador Dali
A Tin Of Yellow Paint Yesterday.

Local man, art critic and pork pie hat champion, Martin Shuttlecock, was today treated to his first view of shock rocker Marilyn Manson's artwork.

Manson's work has been critically acclaimed by various media weirdos, such as Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, who apparently are devoted fans. As are several death row inmates, according to sources.

Shuttlecock saw Manson's artwork in a brief television advertising segment, and was apparently, impressed.

"He's a bit weird," Shuttlecock explained. "And to be honest, I'm not much of an art critic, but from what I saw of Marilyn's artwork, there was much to be applauded."

Shuttlecock expounded that he had come to regard Marilyn Manson as a sort of homicidal Salvador Dali, except where Dali was primarily obsessed by sex, Manson appears to be obsessed by extreme acts of wanton violence. Shuttlecock was by all accounts deeply moved by a painting of Manson's which depicts Mickey Mouse taking the top of his head off, and by one of a rifle embedded in the ground by the barrel, with a dead head on the stock.

"I like the way he uses colour too," Shuttlecock expanded. "Especially the way he makes the colours blend and bleed together."

Although art critics remain divided as to Manson's artistic talents, Shuttlecock remains an avid fan, despite having only experienced the briefest of flirtations with Manson's artistic output.

"I love his paintings," Shuttlecock said. "I'm glad he's gaining plaudits for his artistic endeavours, because, in the final analysis, his music is fucking crap."

Shuttlecock's long suffering wife, Anne, told reporters:

"My Martin, an art critic? You're taking the piss now. I remember one time he tried to paint a lighthouse and he made a right bollocks of the shading. We took the piss so mercilessly that he hasn't picked a paint brush up in years. And then there was that landscape he painted in watercolour that he offered his Mam as a gift...She seemed reluctant to accept it, but offered to hang it up in the toilet - where nobody would see it. Unless they were having a dump. Just about sums my husband up to a tee that. Fucking useless - like tits on a bull. I still can't understand why I married the daft bastard."

Marilyn Manson was unavailable for comment, but had he been, he would probably have said something like:

"Yeah...whatever...."

In a really bored voice.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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