Pippa Middleton, aka The Rear of the Millennium, did it again yesterday when she wore a COAT! Admirers of the Queen's eldest son's eldest son's bride's sister might have been disappointed that our newest National Treasure chose to cover up that loverly behind, but some said they thought it added "mystery", "erotic intrigue" and other, less printable qualities, to Ms. Middleton's appearance.
"It's nice to speculate what is under the coat," said Mr. P. Lickett, of London NE 8. "I mean, you just got an intriguing flash of - "
"Knickers!" shouted a bystander.
"No, you moron, not her knickers," continued Mr. Lickett. "You could see a bit of a most sexy purple knee length dress!"
"I meant BOLLOCKS!" the intruder snorted.
"Don't be even more of an idiot than you can help," said Mr. Lickett. "Ms. Middleton definitely would not be showing any of those."
"Rubbish! You're just spouting absolute rubbish!" challenged the interloper, whom we identified later from police reports as he lay on the ground bloodied and pulped, as Mr. I.P. Dantick, of Colchester.
Our reported left them to battle it out, meanwhile garnering more opinions on the delectable Ms Middleton's wedding guest outfit.
Miss Ivy Fanne, of Brighton, thought that Pippa might be harking back to a Bob Dylan track, "The Long Black Coat", but at 88 she could not quite express why she thought this link could be made.
"I don't think the coat was sexy at all," said Miss Fanne. "Her arse didn't wiggle, and the coat was like a coffin draped over her. I mean, black for a bleedin' wedding!"
White Dress Wins the Day!
Several others concurred, and perhaps the opinion of the majority might be summed up in the comment of one gentleman who declined to be identified, but who wore a heavy gold signet ring on the little finger of his left hand, and whose ears were rather prominent.
"I liked her tight white dress at the wedding of Wills and Kate," he said. "Phwoooaaaarrrr. I mean, phwooooaaaar!! times a thousand, what? Couldn't take my eyes off it. One had to do a lot of explaining to one's wife, one can tell you!"
So there you have it, readers. Phone in to our HOT PIPPA LINE to say whether YOU think Ms. Middleton got it right in the black coat - or whether you preferred That Dress. Phone lines are open now, and cost £28.50 per minute, payable to The Duchy of C--------ll.