Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Walmart, phoenix

Sunday, 25 December 2005

image for Walmart builds Walmart next to Walmart

As part of their "Make the Whole World Walmart" initiative Walmart according to some analysts "flipped it's corporate lid" by plopping Phoenix store #3217 "plumb next to" Phoenix store #3216. Store #3216's manager, not overly elated by that action told reporters,

"What the living HECK?!"

What_the_living_heck (WTLH) seems to be the acronym describing Walmart's actions these days. Already in deep trouble for using cattle prods on tardy employees Walmart is attempting to "clean up it's image" by taking over the world.

"We thought about stacking them on top of each other" one Walmart executive said adding,

"However, if our Phoenix beta test works out we'll go the horizontal route .. a Walmart never more than 10 feet of wherever you are on the face of the planet."

When asked about allegations that Walmart denied employees lunch breaks Samuel Walton Junior himself said,

"Ok. We're sorry. We made a mistake. Each employee will now get a lunch break. A restroom break too. As long as it doesn't last more than 30 seconds."

When asked "why?" why build a new Walmart next to an existing Walmart instead of simply expanding the original Walmart Walmart said,

"Good question. The answer is .. suppose you're coming from the North. Why walk an extra 20 feet to get to store number 4022 when store number 4021 is right where you stand?"

Larry King interviewed Phoenix Walmart store #3216's manager ..

KING -> So .. how do you feel about Walmart putting an identical Walmart 10 feet away from YOUR Walmart?

MANAGER -> grrrrrrrrrrrrr

KING -> Our NEXT guest ..

Inside sources say that Walmart as part of it's "Make the whole world Walmart" initiative not only has begun building 380,000 ton Walmart Ocean liners but plans to, once NASA lands on the moon again to setup Walmart #982,941 inside crater Ptolemaeus near where the American flag was planted by Neil Armstrong in 1969.

"We're taking over the world for it's own good. We don't want to put other business's out of business. We just want to roll back prices. If that means bankrupting a few flower shops or forcing the neighborhood Mom and Pop grocer to file chapters 11, 12 AND 13 . . hey .. not our fault they don't know how to roll back prices."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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