Written by Moys Kenwood
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Tuesday, 16 August 2011

image for Queens Park Rangers To Charge For Bog Roll Next
The Queen: Her Park Rangers are taking the piss

Queens Park Rangers, the football club with billionaire owners, has announced in the last half hour that it plans to charge for the use of toilet roll on matchdays from now on.

Rangers, who lost their opening day fixture against Bolton Wanderers 4-0, have been cited by some fans as the chief cause for giving them the shits, but executives at Loftus Road are unrepentant.

Bog roll, like time, is money, they say, and it has to be paid for by someone, so why not the fans who are scraping their arses with it?

But Rangers supporters spokesman Dave Gobb has come up with a devious plan to defeat the owners search for cash. He told me:

"We've sent the word round that anyone needing a shite during the game should do it where they sit, and wipe their arses on their shirts, thus giving an unsightly brown tinge to the famous blue-and-white hoops. That won't look very good on TV."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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