Written by Michael Balton
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Saturday, 6 August 2011

image for S&P Downgrades God to a BBB Minus Rating

New York -- S&P, one of the world's three major ratings firms, has downgraded its rating of Almighty God from AAA to BBB minus.

The move is expected to dramatically cut prayer time between the Creator and those whom He created.

More importantly, it is expected to cost churches and synagogues over $13.4 trillion in lost donations over the next three years, according S&P estimates.

A number of factors contributed to God's losing His AAA rating, according to S&P. "Our most recent analysis of global events indicates that God is not being as productive as He should be," said Milton Crost, a senior analyst at S&P.

"Miracles are down 42%. Regional wars are up 69%. Natural disasters are off the charts. And answers to our prayers have dropped 36%. Clearly, God has taken His eye off the ball."

Religious leaders were quick to defend a figure who is both their CEO and the face of their franchise. "S&P should be a little less critical of God, and give the devil his due," said Msgr. Kenneth Wrigley, head of the Inspirational Informational Office of the Catholic Church.

"Satan has put together an unbeatable team and is making all the right moves at the moment. You can't blame God for that."

Paralyzed genius Stephen Hawking spoke for the world's atheists: "Not only don't we believe in God, we don't believe in S&P."

As usual, God was unavailable for comment, but a spokesangel provided this brief remark: "Now you know why there is no mention of rating agencies in the Bible."

On a related note, S&P has moved its headquarters and all of its operations to Hell, reportedly to lower its energy expenditures.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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