Calling it a 'major accomplishment" an Obama Treasury Department official hailed today's sale of the remaining shares of Chrysler to Italy's Fiat despite the fact the taxpaying public were shorted over $1.3 Billion in TARP money wasted on the marginal car company.
The identification of the official, who refused to be named due to personal embarrassment over the fiasco, and because he was seeking other employment prior to 2012, said he was picked to make the announcement because Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, "didn't have the balls to do it himself!"
Fiat picked up the last 6% stake in the company, including the 'rights' to the United Auto Workers (UAW) pension plan, and immediately petitioned the EU to for a $45B bailout
to cover the impending shortfall due to thousands of early retirees said to be suffering from 'a slight drinking and drug abuse problem."
Long gone were the days when Lee Iococca , father of the Ford Mustang, took over the company and brought it back from failure by inventing the mini-van, and restoring a proud automotive badge.
In the past 10 months, despite President Obama visiting two Detroit Chrysler plants, or perhaps because of it, workers were found to be toking up and having a six-pack or two on breaks, including lunch hours, while UAW shop stewards , and Government installed Quality Control Managers looked the other way.
Quality control faltered, with rattling in wheel wells discovered to be housing crushed
Colt .45 beer cans, while more than a few lug nuts were found to be only hand tightened, not to mention high priced leather interiors smelling suspiciously like Sunday morning dormitory beer farts.
Italy's beleaguered Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, hailed the financial coup, which he said would put 'thousands of paisanos back to work,"once the factories were dismantled and shipped to Sicily and Palermo.
Berlusconi said any of the UAW workers who happened to be of Italian descent, and were willing to join the current Union controlling FIAT (FIX IT AGAIN, TONY), would be granted work visas, a comfortable villa, a 25 hour work week, and 6 weeks of paid vacation a year.
When questioned, Berlusconi declined to discuss the Union indoctrination ceremony, saying 'It's a sacred oath known only to the Union Dons....it involves a bit of blood, the burning of some paper, some garlic, olive oil and a dead anchovy...other than that, what would I know?"
Silvio said to celebrate the event he was throwing open his pool for a big celebration party commencing this weekend, as soon as he could get his Minister of Bunga-Bunga, a former
Miss Rome, to organize the caterers and fly in some 'entertainment."
A spokesman for Prince Andrew, the British Transportation Spokesman and Trade Representative, said "The Prince is keen on attending and test driving some of Silvio's
new product....as usual, he expects the interior accommodations to fit like a glove of the finest Italian leather!"