Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Thursday, 21 July 2011

image for Bill Gates sets out to invent toilets, the Internet and the wheel
State-of-the-art outdoor shithouse in southern Arizona.

The man who claims to have reinvented computers, invented disco, taught Michael Jackson the Moonwalk and made TP a household item in most wealthy nations, Microsoft tycoon/tyrant/liar turned quasi-philanthropist, Bill Gates, is now focusing his attention on inventing the perfect toilet.

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is pledging millions of dollars in grants to reinvent the toilet, its director of water, sanitation and hygiene programs, Frank Rijsbum, calls it a "huge issue for Africa where they just shit down a hole. It's disgusting!"

We applaud the connection of charity work in the realm of shyte and pissing in the wind to the Right Honorable Bill Gates, we question whether or not there is really anything wrong with pissing down a hole. "After all," says fellow fecal expert Sarah Palin, "it's not like they're pissing in the wind, right? Just send them more loads of old Sears catalogs and let's get back to the important business of the day - assassinating Barack Obama's character immediately after he enters the Senate Forum. Whenever that is. Oh, yeah, there has to be a storm, too...I think."

While Ms Palin goes off to ponder her naval (because of a missprint in her date book - something about a boat and some champagne), the world, especially Africa's more holey areas, awaits this newest outcome of Mr Gate's brilliant imagination.

"If anyone can improve a shithole, it'll be that ol' Gates guy," remarked a cloaked, masked passerby out shopping for a Mac after years of frustration and dents in his walls. "I mean,hell, right? He already invented the pay toilet, right?

"Just send a load over to Africa...I hear the UN is already full to overflowing."

This reporter wonders exactly where the MickeySoft logo will appear on these fabulous yet-to-be-inventions. Feel free to speculate amongst yourselves, dear readers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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