Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Tuesday, 19 July 2011

image for Nutty Theory Confirmed by Scientific Study!
Professor Ikshu Rhanjimarzipan

Ready-peeled nut companies will have to include the shells of the nuts in their bags from September this year following a ruling by the EU in Brussels. It comes as part of the EU's concerted efforts to see a significant reduction in the numbers of obese European citizens during the next few years with a figure of at least a 50% reduction being achieved by 2018.

The decision to pass a ruling forcing nutty firms to include the nut-shells in their bags was rushed through after the results of a scientific study carried out by a team of experts was published showing that when people remove the shells from the nuts themselves before eating them then they eat around 40% less nuts compared to people who eat ready shelled nuts from fancy little bags.

Professor Ikshu Rhanjimarzipan who headed the team explained:

"When the EU first asked us to carry out the £2m three day study most of the scientists in our team thought the very idea that anyone would eat less of the unshelled nuts was.....well, totally nuts, but in fact it turned out to be confirmed by the results of the study. We would certainly be more than eager to carry out any further studies for the EU to confirm anything they want us to confirm given the generous grants the EU provides for these kind of studies."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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