We at Spoof International are proud to announce a Brand New Newspaper, the "World of the News"!
The "World of the News" will be exciting! It will be dynamic! It will be a breath of fresh air after all that unpleasantness surrounding the old "News of the World" Oh no, it won't be anything like that at all despite employing all the same staff from editor to tea boy.
The "World of the News" will be chocka fulla new, exciting features:
Barely concealed racism, xenophobia and islamaphobia dressed up as social concern!
Petty right wing self interested crap spoon fed to you like so much patronising sludge!
Semi-literate bollocks about whatever brainless shit Simon Cowell is trying to peddle this week!
Slavish, fawning devotion to the Tories encouraging you to vote for them even though you are working class!
Shitty half assed football coverage which is basically random lies accompanied by badly photo shopped photographs!
A crap agony aunt column, written by a fat sweaty man but allegedly narrated by a women who never puts on clothes!
Sickening "human interest" stories where some poor sod is persuaded to talk about their sex life for a thousand quid, all for the benefit of saddos who are too chicken to buy real porn!
A sodding astrologer!
We probably won't try making money out of paedophilia coverage again, we've had our fucking fingers burnt on that one!
The "World of the News" will be vibrant! The "World of the News" will be exciting! The "World of the News will be like exactly like every other fucking shitrag we produce!
And you'll buy it, you sorry Lemmings, because you won't ever stop to think that you are still buying "The Sun" and you still have a Sky subscription, so what, in fact, is the point of making such a fucking fuss eh?