[AP, Chipping Sodbury] It was revealed today that a Chinese investment consortium is attempting to buy the British Royal Family. Wun Hung Lo, acquisitions representative for the Happy Lucky Investment Company number 4 based in Long Dong province of northern China confirmed that a tentative offer had been made.
Egg Fried Rice
'The loyal family in Engrand is unique', he told The Spoof. 'Yes they cost tax-payer lot of money but eqruary, bling in rots of money. China always rooking for new ways to inclease deveropment and loyal family offers opportunity we cullentry do not have. Engrand needs cash, we have cash'.
Chink in the armour
It transpired that the investment company, noted for its attempted take-over bid of Susan Boyle last year, chanced an initial offer of £62m which the English Government immediately rejected. 'We know they've got lots more' said George Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer.
Sloping off to bed
The offer comes following the recent news that the monarchy will cost the British tax-payer £1.5m less this year following cost-cutting exercises at many of the royal palaces. Head of the household budget, Sir Nicholas Fawning-Brownose told The Spoof 'savings have been made through staffing cut-backs and cancellation of equipment ordered. Most notably, 7 bread toasters, 4 egg-timers, 11 dishwashers, 5 egg-whisks, 3 bed-warmers and 4 car tax-disc holders. That's a total of 34 people made redundant at Windsor Palace alone'.
Slitty Slitty Bang Bang
Prince Philip, who lambasted the offer as a 'derisory insult' was seen prowling around the grounds of Buckingham Palace yesterday dressed in a hunting jacket and carrying his favourite shotgun.