Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Economy, China

Thursday, 30 June 2011

image for China's fake economy
Does China even exist at all?

China is well known for producing cheap knock-off replicas of high quality prestigious products. Its jPhone is like an iPhone that works even less well. Its Coca-Cora is like the drink you know but with traces of toxic chemicals that give it a unique flavour. Its car industry makes vehicles which are not safe to drive in the rest of the world. So is the Chinese economy all based on flaky ripoffs? Well, apparently yes.

A Chinese defector has today revealed that the entire budget of China is completely imaginary. The government has no idea what the GDP of the country is, but usually makes an estimate by adding up the prices of their local takeaway menu. Not only that, but the Yuan currency is not a real currency at all. It has actually been assembled by gathering together the toy money from hundreds of Chinese Monopoly sets. Bizarrely, nobody spotted this when it was used to buy up billions of dollars of US assets.

This fake economy has somehow bought the world, like a paper tiger, on a spending spree, trying to buy back its own testicles at an authentic Chinese apothecary. And another thing - if these people think that eating a tiger's bollocks is some kind of medical cure, why haven't they started manufacturing fake tiger balls yet?

We should all brace ourselves for the biggest crash in history when someone finds out, unless of course the Chinese get lucky and nobody ever does.

As they say in China, "ching chong chung a ja" (I've no idea what it means).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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