A leading hot dog maker in New York is calling out former Senator Anthony Wiener for naming his junk a "package". Citing the fact that "one wiener does not a package make" they have issued an order for him to cease calling his that or be sued.
Grocery stores in the area state that packages of hot dogs are being opened and the contents distributed within the store in unusual places. One elderly woman had a heart attack when after reaching into the dairy case instead of getting a milk carton she grabbed a single loose weenie. Another customer called to complain that after purchasing a box of breakfast "Toasties" he found a "recently displaced" hot dog in his cereal bowl.
Hot dog companies blame "Wienergate" hysteria for the brutal package attacks.
"We never had a problem until that idiot opened up HIS package."
A spokesperson for Mr. Wiener says Anthony is not responsible for this apparent hoax.
"Maybe the weenies are getting out on their own after the packages are hacked."
Storeowners say they have no knowledge of "free range" weenies breaking loose without human intervention.
"Just the visual of that actually happening is terrifying. The public at large has had enough 'weenie" visuals to last them a lifetime. We are just waiting for the day Anthony comes out with his own Kosher dog or maybe 'comes out' is too graphic a term."