Evil gas Barons in Scotland have just enraged the wrong person with their 20% gas price hike. That person is the multi-billion pound Woolly Jumper Philanthropist Donald McDonald.
Donald was so enraged by the news that Gas prices are to rise for the tenth winter in a row, that he decided to give away all his 50 million Woolly jumpers to the poor, cold people of Scotland.
He said "The more woolly jumpers we wear, the less money we will need to spend on heating our houses."
Eventually Donald McDonald wants every Scottish person to be free of the fear of freezing to death in minus 20 degree temperatures.
He said "I don't know how these monsters sleep at night. Don't they know that heating in Scotland is a necessity, not a luxury? Don't they know that people still die from hypothermia here."
Donald hopes that the Gas Barons will lose a lot of business because of his act of warming kindness. He wants everyone to destroy the dastardly plans of these cruel people by wearing woolly jumpers this winter instead of turning up the gas.
He says "The less we use the gas fire, the more we hurt the gas monsters. So lets wear our woolly jumpers and woolly socks with spite."
This isn't the first time Donald the Woolly jumper Billionaire has come to the aid of the Scottish people. In the 1980s he was the one who saved a million Scottish people from the clutches of an evil witch called Maggie.
He remembers well how Maggie the Wicked Witch of London came to Scotland and stole our oil and shut our coal mines, stealing every possible means of warmth from the Scottish people, so she could spend it all on hats and Tory Conference parties.
But Donald gave everyone in Scotland a woolly jumper and they all survived a good many winters without any warmth. The people were saved by global warming in the 90s. But now global cooling has superceded global warming, the monsters are back at the door, again.
And this time they're worse than witches...they're the next generation...they're Zombie/Tories who eat poor people once they've frozen them to death and destroyed their country.
By Katarina Frogpond.