Written by Neil Levine
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Thursday, 10 November 2005

image for Donald Trump Wants To Convert Paris Hilton Into A Gambling Mecca With Martha Stewart's Help
You Too Can Shoot The Breeze At The Paris Hilton

Paris, the City of Life---Looking for new arenas to invest in, The Donald, as he has become accustomed to be addressed by various and sundry, is setting his sights on the Paris Hilton as the ultimate get away destination with the commercial potential to become the trophy prize investment of the decade as a fantasy escape mechanism for the ultra rich and others looking for mere excitement and diversion. "Enjoy, enjoy," he says as he greets customers looking to roll the dice at his other emporiums of chance. "Hit the jackpot and win a prize. You can act as rich as you want as long as you can cover your bets."


"The Paris Hilton's got pizzazz and allure and doesn't need much upkeep. Just clean sheets and finely swept floors," he advises. "It is that simple."


"If called on, I expect to be able to provide expensive in house services such as free wine so our guests can lose their inhibitions and get drunk playing the slots and gamboling in the Seine after midnight. I'm thinking of hiring Martha Stewart to redecorate with the common touch that gamblers like so they'll feel at home and spend their money like it was Crepes Suzette under fire."


"I want to point out that Martha has first hand experience at getting your mind off of the dreariness that comes from living in bland surroundings and worrying about worrisome problems. Martha will just redo the slots in her favorite patterns and color schemes, reappoint the dice pits and card tables in soft black stripes and bold black dots and offer free canopies overhead in season. I will make sure Martha also designs thrilling new games of chance that will set you on the road to El Dorado."


"I intend to invite hot celebrities to insure there is glamour to go around and take our valuable guests' minds off their wallets and away from the unhappy problems in this world so they can have a good time. Don't be afraid to just kick off your shoes and kick back a few in response to innocent kickbacks (no harm intended) that have nothing to do with kicking back as the world recoils in horror."


" Ah, Martha, I can shout fire at her and she can tell me I'm fired and we can fire barbs at each other so long as there is fire in your belly and fire in the hold below. Now hit me with your best shot. After all, the world is on fire."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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