Written by Sir Derek Jackson
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Topics: Microsoft

Friday, 3 June 2011

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Steve Ballmer Innovates

Las Vegas (AP) Microsoft Stock is expected to rise a whopping 20% over this week on speculation CEO Steve Ballmer will unveil a series of innovations at E3.

Heavyweight Ballmer who describes himself as an Actor / Director on his Facebook page has come under increasing pressure to either step down or perform after it was revealed Microsoft has been socially engineering young children to keep pressing the green button whilst they debit their parents credit cards.

Two weeks ago in an exclusive interview with this reporter, disgruntled parent Ivan Beenrippedoff likened Microsoft to a criminal enterprise and Steve Ballmer to Fagin in Oliver Twist. Ivan now believes Ballmer has started to innovate and the XBox Live Filipino Call Centers are to be completely automated using Avatars.

"Ballmer dropped some innovative hints during his visit to India and we expect some of these software embedded Avatars are going to be demonstrated during the E3 presentations" said Consultant Sandeep Chand.

One of the innovations Microsoft is expected to unveil at E3 a joint venture with XBox Kinect Dance Central developer Harmonix that provides a significant free update of the original game which opens up huge potential for Downloadable Content (DLC).

Chand believes Microsoft and Harmonix are about to scuttle the secondhand games market bringing in hundreds of billions of dollars of revenue for the pair. In the move gamers are going to be encouraged to keep the original copies of their discs which will act as the doorway to an ever evolving Universe of downloadable content.

Disgruntled parent Ivan Beenrippedoff hasn't yet given up hope of a $190 million refund. "When Microsoft stock hits $30 at the end of this week I expect Steve Ballmer to get his checkbook out and give me due compensation as promised by Team Manager Mark Maloy at XBox live customer support" he said.

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