Throughout the towns of Britain, queues of expectant young men are to be seen, who have heard that a Virgin is due to appear in their High Street "any day now".
Tired of Rock up north many are anticipating a Virgin takeover with glee. One of those in the queue remarked: 'Banking is pretty dull usually. This should liven things up a bit. I just hope Virgin will accept my contribution.'
A Virgin official explained that with Virgin taking over Northern Rock and 'one or two other banks' there would be a new Banking image. 'We will be offering special Virgin deals, but our secret is to remain Virgin. No one will take over our body of expertise.'
Lloyd Barclay, the well known celebrity whose name is all over the internet, said he feared Virgin would stifle the free exchange of fluidity 'essential for banking.'
Financial whizz kid Zebediah Gross forecasts that Virgin's assertions are 'Virgin on the impossible. I will start to believe their claims when they are open for business.'