In the ongoing battle to achieve domination of the convenience food market, Miles Aweigh Foods of Ilfracombe, Devon are set to launch what they describe as "a revolutionary convenience food product" - namely, the Mumbai Ringstinger.
Managing Director, Candy Floss, announced that the new product will take the convenience food market by storm, and revolutionise what we eat.
She explained that the Mumbai Ringstinger can be microwaved, roasted, toasted, deep or shallow fried, boiled, poached, or just eaten cold.
"It truly is a wonder product!" Ms Floss exclaimed. "It comes wrapped up in a plastic package and can be carried quite comfortably in a jacket pocket. And the beauty of it is, you can't even squash it by accident. It just bounces right back to its original shape, even when it's been squashed under a mountain of beer cans in a shopping bag."
When asked what exactly went into the Mumbai Ringstinger, Ms Floss referred us to Miles Aweigh's resident nutritional scientist, Hugo Barking. He said:
"To be honest, it varies. It always contains inordinate amounts of Infinity chillies, and the rest, we just make up as we go along, depending on what we can get hold of in order to meet production requirements. It could be meat, or it could be carrots. Sometimes it's swede, and sometimes it's dessicated yak fat. Failing that, we have been known to use bits of plastic - but none of that really matters, because essentially the customer can rest assured that the Mumbai Ringstinger will be a shockingly hot spicy treat."
We tried contacting Miles Aweigh's Chief Product taster to ask what he thought, but he was off sick.
More as we get it.