A major air carrier announced today that it will be starting a new airline. Their slogan: "all children, all noise, all the time."
A spokesman for NoiseAirBlue said, "We're proud to give the adult flying public something they've been begging us for, we're talking about grown men in tears, quivering, big strong guys, guys who play football for god's sakes, whose will to live and nerves are utterly shot after being on a 10 hr flight full of rotten little brats with lazy, oblivious parents. Now these little devils have their very own airline."
At NoiseAirBlue, ear piercing shrieks, temper tantrums, seat kicking, numerous smelly trips to the potty, food fights and spit will be freely permitted, as there's no use trying to stop it anyway.
Attendants who agree to work exclusively for NoiseAir will be paid ten times the salary of any other airline. This is known as "combat pay" among airline insiders. They will also be provided with industrial strength earplugs, valium and other assorted tranquilizers to calm their nerves. Another nice "perk" is that they will be permitted to drink heavily on the job so they will be "chill" enough to deal with a planeload of spoiled brat screamers.
Luckily, a fairly large percentage of the airline industry is already deaf, having had their eardrums punctured from chronic exposure to the high-pitched, almost otherworldly high frequency screams emanating from tiny children that they've been enduring for the past 20 years. Therefore, deaf attendants are strongly urged to apply for the open positions.
Inflight food service will consist of macaroni and cheese . That is all. Children in the 3-5 age category have been unknown to eat anything else.
All children will undergo security screening prior to boarding. Particularly horrifically loud screamers will be seated near the rear of the aircraft so that at least the pilot won't have to listen to this s*** when he's trying to avoid other planes or cope with air controllers who may be asleep at the switch.
"We are proud to fill this niche market in the airline world. Thank God adults can now travel in peace and get to their business meeting still able to think , see, hear and speak coherently after a long flight loaded with kids."