Written by Ellie James
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

image for California Lawmakers Arrive in Texas to Learn how the Good ol Boys do Business
"I love my bobblehead!" exclaims Joe Quintanilla

For the past two days, lawmakers from California met with a delegation from Texas in order to discuss how great Texas is at creating jobs. The Texas group showed them a 299 page power point presentation documenting all the various ways to entice businesses to move to the Lone Star State, thus creating jobs.

Texas has guarded its secret for a long time, much like the members from the secret society Skull and Bones. Texas, after much consideration, selected California as the state to impart its knowledge.

According to the powerpoint, provided by a bartender at Austin's Saxon Pub, Texas promises the following to businesses who decide to make Texas their home: a new house for the CEO with decor provided by IKEA, free Dublin Dr. Pepper, tax breaks, a gift card for Dick's sporting goods, a hitch for the horse you'd have to buy, and a bobble head of Governor Rick Perry.

Additionally, the CFO of the company would receive a brand spanking new Hummer, little regulation, an off shore bank account, a boxed set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (season 4), and the chance to go repelling with ABC's Bachelor, Brad Womack.

The powerpoint also mentions that the children of the company's employees would benefit from the greatest education system in the United States, and quite possibly the world (except New Zealand. Even Texas will not refute this fact.)

All members from each delegation refused to talk to reporters, but they were seen leaving the Omni hotel boardroom in their limos and headed towards 6th Street. It is presumed that this is how Saxon Pub bartender, UT student Jonathan St. John, age 32, came across the powerpoint.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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