Written by Jean Le Fete

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Topics: Cows

Thursday, 31 March 2011

image for Borden Non-Dairy Cow Herd to Halt Production of Non-Dairy Products!
A Non-Dairy Cheeze Whiz cow gving cheeze

Borden, Wisconsin - Today the world's only Non-Dairy herd of cows walked off the job on strike condemning Governor Walker's stand against Unions.

This specialized herd of cows produces, non-dairy creamer, sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk and non-dairy cheeze whiz. Packing plants across the globe are already panicked by the prospect of shortages.

The only other herd is in China, where they are tougher to breed than Pandas. The females only gestate once every seven years and the life expectancy of a Non-Dairy Cow Bull is only 6 years. The breeding process is very complicated, especially for Evaporated Milk Cows.

Gil Hawthorne, CEO of NDCA (Non-Dairy Cow Association) explained: "Even if we artificially inseminate them, the whole cow could....well...evap-Or-ate."

"I don't mean to sound alarmist, but people who are lactose intolerant may have to start drinking their coffee black," said Howard Johnson, Vice President for the Non-Dairy Creamer Cooperative.

"This is no laughing matter to us in the business. Then if Congress cuts our subsidies you can just kiss your sweetened condensed milk good bye."

According to non-dairy veterinarian Lindsay Lahoon the cows are smarter than dolphins and some have more vocabulary than gorillas or chimps trained in captivity.

Governor Scott Walker seemed unaware of the dire situation. "The non-dairy what?" was the only quote we were able to get from him for this story.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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