Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 18 March 2011

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Following the declaration of financial support yesterday by G7 countries in the stabilization of the Japanese Yen, and a few celebratory top shelf margaritas to close out their press conference, U.K. and U.S. Finance Ministers were the first to realize that nobody could actually pay for that support. That was until a call was reluctantly made to Warren Buffet.

Holding financial interests around the world and a large personal stake in the success or failure of several industries in the Asia-Pacific region, Buffet took an immediate interest in backing the G7 plan. No longer the richest man in the world, but with assets enough to rank as his own country, Buffet reportedly decided to bail out the G7 promise to Japan, somewhere between finishing breakfast and taking his morning constitutional.

With the distinctive flushing sound of a Glacier Bay toilet in the background, another company to which Buffet owns stock, and a rolled up newspaper under his arm, Buffet reportedly emerged from his modest office bathroom to declare, "Write the check". Followed only with, "Get a receipt".

"Thank God", said Howard Spynlesz from the U.S. G7 finance team. "We keep thinking we can bail out anyone who needs it, but there's simply no cash left in the kitty. It's embarrassing, really. Our expense accounts are pretty nice though, so there is some money after all. But, you know what I mean." Spynlesz was next seen calling for the bartender under the watchful and stern eye of his superior.

With a general agreement among French, German, Italian, Canadian, U.K. and U.S. G7 finance ministers that nobody had "F.U. money" like Buffet, all could breathe a bit easier knowing that Japan's economy and currency could be stabilized. "Warren is the man. <hic>", said Spynlesz who was quickly smacked on the back of the head by his boss. "Excuse me, I mean Mr. Buffet. Sir.", Spynlesz followed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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