WASHINGTON--President George Bush promised on Thursday that the federal government will give more than $200 billion to the hurricane-ravaged oil and gas corporations and rich people of the Gulf Coast in one of the largest payoff projects of its kind the world has ever seen.
"I promise to borrow $200 billion or whatever it takes to make sure that all those fine Republican oil and gas companies don't go without and can rebuild," he said. "Sure, we don't have the money in the federal treasury, but Karl Rove will borrow it from China and Japan and maybe India, too. No oil company or rich person will ever go without under my watch."
"Karl is already doling out Gulf Coast reconstruction contracts to Halliburton, Bechtel, Fluor, and other fine Republican companies just like in Iraq," noted Bush. "Oil refineries and drilling platforms and mansions damaged by water and wind are already being guarded and are being rebuilt as we speak."
Standing in the heart of the French Quarter of New Orleans, Bush acknowledged his administration had really failed to respond to Hurricane Katrina which killed hundreds of people in five states, wrecked thousands of homes and has caused a permanent migration of people from the city and surrounding states like the Dust Bowl Okies.
"Those New Orleans peoples are never coming back, and I don't blame them," said Bush. "Who would want to live in a disaster zone that will be wiped out by the next hurricane that could hit at any moment? As global warming accelerates with my policy of accelerated greenhouse gas releases by coal and oil combustion, hurricanes will get stronger and more frequent. Therefore we must make the oil industry and mansions stronger too."
The president also said he had ordered the Department of Homeland Security to undertake an immediate review of emergency plans in every major city in America to make sure that similar disasters don't affect the oil corporations and the rich from now on.
He also said a disaster on the scale of Hurricane Katrina requires greater federal authority and a broader role for the US armed forces.
"Our troops will guard the property of oil corporations and the good rich people during future storms, and they will promptly put those nasty-bad poor peoples into special Happy Camps so they can't steal anything even again," he promised.