British hosiery designers and manufacturers are up in arms about rumours that sock manufacturing giant The Chinese National Sock Manufacturing Corporation are to introduce sliced socks to the world.
"If this is true, it's going to be the biggest blow to UK sock manufacturing since the South Koreans launched the 2003 sock offensive," British sock tycoon Neville Holder told reporters from his palatial sock funded mansion in Bilston, Staffordshire. "We're struggling as it is, competing with the Chinese in sock design and manufacture - sliced socks could well sound the death knell for the traditional British sock industry."
Nobody from The Chinese National Sock Manufacturing Corporation was available for comment at the time of going to press, but a man cooking egg fu yung in the back kitchen of a Stockport Chinese takeaway announced:
"Sliced socks? Why not? It worked with sliced bread. Saves a lot of messing about if you fancy a quick sandwich. I'm not quite sure how sliced socks would work, but my cousin Chen, who lives in China, told me that the company he works for are investing heavily in research and development into disposable, bio-degradable, eco-friendly socks. There's more to us inscrutable Orientals than egg fried rice and black bean sauce, old boy."
Exciting times ahead in the world of socks, but not such good news for The Big Society, as yet more redundancies lurk on the horizon.