Written by j.w.
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Topics: Banks, bonus

Friday, 25 February 2011

image for Banker Returns £2 Million Bonus
Banker Hands Back Bonus

Top Banker Arnold Ponsonby has returned his £2 million pound bonus because he is sure it must be a mistake.

'I do not deserve this payment' he told reporters outside his terraced house in Mayfair 'with the economy shrinking by 0.6% I feel I must pull in my belt like everyone else.'

Vince Cable, the Government Businss Minister, congratulated Ponsonby on his honesty. 'You can be sure the Government would have spotted this error in no time and would have asked, politely, for the money to be returned, but the actions of this fine man have shown everyone the integrity of the Banking profession.'

This behaviour puts into perspective the opinion held by some that Bankers would seek positions abroad if they did not get their bonuses.

Ponsonby was dismissive of those who would accept bribes from other countries to seduce them away from their loyalty to Britain. 'I know some top Bankers have thought about leaving this country but the prevailing view is that we created the Banking problems and that we should take the penalties resulting from our own mismanagement. We want to get the economy growing again.'

Shock waves in the City on hearing this news have left everyone angry. 'With honesty like this' complained a Banker (unwilling to give his name as it would have been wrong for the Governor of the Bank of England to express an opinion on such a subject) 'we shall see Bankers eating less and taking their fair share of the blame for their own mistakes. Ponsonby is rocking the boat. He is a bad egg and not really one of us.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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