Written by Mister Meaner
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Topics: business

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Auto Windscreens Goes Into Administration, And Other News
Isn't business interesting?

According to a business report on the BBC website, windscreen company Auto Windscreens has gone into administration, putting 1,100 jobs at risk.

The Chesterfield-based company, the UK's second biggest windscreen repair firm, said that it had temporarily suspended all operations.

Administrators from accountancy firm Deloitte said there were no funds with which it could carry on trading. It's a real shame, but that's life I'm afraid, and something that has become almost an everyday occurrence in Britain during these extremely hard and trying times.

In other news, a sweet shop in Blackburn, Lancashire is also feeling the pinch. the shop's owner, Sanjay Hamid, 56, told us that kids just weren't buying sweets like they used to. He said:

"Bloody kids! They just aren't buying sweets like they used to!"

It wasn't all bad news though. Mr Hamid did say that there had been a steady increase in the sale of cigarettes, alcohol and condoms, especially to those in the 11-14 age group.

Currencies were bought and sold, and were worth more or less than they were yesterday, but nobody was killed.

On the Stock Exchange, the Dow Jones was up, the Nasdaq down, the Dax stayed where it was yesterday, the Cac 40 went back to where it spent its honeymoon, and the FTSE100 had a day off due to illness. Lots of frantic phone calls were made, and then everyone went home to bed.

Well, that's the business news for today. Tune in tomorrow for more, if you can stand it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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