Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Local, life

Thursday, 10 February 2011

BIRMINGHAM - Robert Bates, 24, has declared a full-out war on his local internet service provider, TalkTalk.

The ISP, which has been accused of fowl play, and knowingly sanctioning the broadband speed, has already been bombarded with many emails and phone calls.

"I've tried for weeks," said Bates, "to negotiate with these ludicrous people. I know their customs and their way of doing things are different, but infringing on my human right to freedom of expression is intolerable."

Bates has applied directly to Birmingham City Council, who too are having problems with the poor connectivity of the service provided, and will 'put in a word' for Bates with the armed forces and the West Midlands Police Armed Response team.

As of press time, further invasions are planned by Bates upon Orange [mobile provider], and nPower [electricity].

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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