Written by TomFoolery
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Topics: Terrorism, Gasoline

Wednesday, 31 August 2005

image for OPEC Ministers Divulge Real Basis for Skyrocketing Oil/Gasoline Prices
Can't Afford That Tank of Gas? Blame Cindy!

OPEC (UPI)-Sources close to the world's primary oil producers have answered a question that has been on the mind of every American since the War on Terrorism began: Why is the cost of oil, and hence gasoline and diesel fuel, so high? The answer: Hurricane Katrina? Nope. It's CINDY SHEEHAN!

Disclosers were so repulsed by the fact that they were unable to actually utter her name; they were reduced to displaying a grainy, black-and-white photograph produced from a dial-up Internet connection and printed on a used dot matrix printer.

"We started reducing pipeline supplies of crude oil the very day that that American infidel kook set up her camp in Texas," a turbaned oil minister from a middle eastern emirate (pick one). "She gives tents a bad name, and her abuse of the media to take the spotlight away from important people like us makes us angry. So, as long as that crazy woman keeps up her act, we'll keep reducing the flow of oil and raising prices." So, Cindy, as gasoline prices soar higher and higher, we have to ask ourselves, ‘how low can you go?'

Dubbed the 'Cindy Factor' and ‘TRAITORGATE' by petroleum potentates who have been laughing all the way to the bank since her disgraceful charade began who have resorted to a betting pool among themselves, wagering on how long the American public will tolerate her ignorant attempt to topple the Bush administration, knowing she's the reason for crippling gasoline prices. Why should they care? Camels don't need oil!

American economists who previously suggested the soaring fuel costs were the product of pure greed on the part of U.S. oil companies breathed a rather wry sigh of relief when apprized of the OPEC ‘leak.' "Halliburton can take a breather now, sighed Wall Street fuel futures fortune hunter Ben Macon Millians. "Thanks to Cindy, all my clients and I can continue to watch our portfolios grow." But even profit takers must feel the effect of precious profits being significantly siphoned off with each full-up.

So, depending on your point of view, it's easy to understand why some love her and most would rather boil her in the oil she's making more expensive by the second. And this is without even taking into account whether she's sincere in what she's doing (oh, she IS, but for all the wrong reasons), or whether she's just fanning the spark of a flame that just won't ignite. It's ironic that the energy Cindy is senselessly wasting in Texas might be better spent on the sands of the Sahara. Yeah, at least that would keep her out of our hair and unwind a few turbans!! She could be the squeaky wheel that get us all some grease.

Until she tanks, our cars can't. So, Cindy, GIVE up, so we can all FILL up!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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